Tag Archives: Junk Food Files

Oatmeal Swirlers

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For this edition of Retro Ramblings, we’re jumping in the time machine to revisit another junk food lost love of mine. We’re going to take a look at one of the more interesting breakfast foods of the late ’80s and early ’90s…Oatmeal Swirlers. Do you remember this? It seems like the split between people who remember it, and those who don’t is 50/50. If you remember it, enjoy this trip down memory lane. If you don’t remember it, get ready for a quick education.

I was very fortunate that my Mom didn’t work when I was growing up. My Dad made a good living and she was able to stay at home and raise us kids for the most part. At two different points, she took jobs and only worked for 6 weeks at each, so for 99% of my childhood, she was always home. This meant that every morning before school, she was up early and made a home-cooked breakfast for the family. Most days that consisted of eggs and toast, or biscuits and gravy, and sometimes her home-cooked oatmeal. 

On the rare occasion when she or one of us had something going on early, she would turn to something quick like frozen pancakes or waffles, or cereal. My favorite of the quick breakfast options however was instant oatmeal. I loved Quaker Maple Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal. It was a staple of my breakfast diet then, and it still is now. No other instant oatmeal could touch it in my eyes. That is until I first saw a commercial for General Mills’ Oatmeal Swirlers. 

It was instant oatmeal that came with a squeeze pack of what I guess would be best described as jelly. You could squeeze out smiley faces, or words, or even play tic tac toe with the pack. It was awesome. When this stuff hit the market it took instant oatmeal to a whole new level. 

While I don’t even faintly remember how it tasted, I do remember how much fun breakfast was on those mornings. I can remember almost being excited about going to bed on those nights when I knew that Oatmeal Swirlers was going to be for breakfast the next day. Sadly, like so many other favorite foods of my youth, this one bit the dust far too early. For a long time after it vanished from the shelves, I missed it terribly. Time went on and other breakfast novelties came along to take its place, but it certainly left its mark on me to this day I wish I could pick up another box of this stuff and share it with the kiddos. 

Now, some people will tell you that you can duplicate the magic yourself using various kinds of oatmeal and jellies. But I disagree. The magic was how it all came together. The low-quality oatmeal, the over-sweet “jelly” in its plastic pouch, and the simple, yet beautiful design of the box. You can’t replicate shit like that. I’m not even going to try.

Oatmeal Swirlers
Oatmeal Swirlers
Oatmeal Swirlers
Oatmeal Swirlers

    Dr. Pepper Gum

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    In the late ’80s, we were drowning in a sea of gum choices as kids. In those days, gum still came in packs of trading cards, it came all shredded in a pouch meant to resemble chewing tobacco, heck….it even came in a round stick wrapped in paper to mimic cigarettes! 

    But a new fad hit the shelves when bubble gum with liquid centers hit the market. I don’t recall what the first gum was to showcase the new feature, but I DO remember the first one to make a “splash”, and it was Dr. Pepper gum. It was a simple concept. It was gum that tasted like Dr. Pepper, with a liquid center that also tasted like Dr. Pepper. What a concept. 

    As a kid in those days, one of the few things your life revolved around was soda and all of a sudden we had a gum that tasted like soda! Life couldn’t get much better. For those of you who have read my previous articles, you’ll know that my parents rarely felt the need to buy into gimmicks or fads, but when it came to this gum, they were both happy to pay for a pack of it whenever I would throw it up on the checkout counter. 

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    Morning Funnies Cereal

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    Morning Funnies Cereal was produced by Ralston Cereals in 1988 & 1989. It was a super sweet cereal, bright in color and shaped like smiley faces.  The taste and shape weren’t the hooks for this cereal though…..the box was. I know what you’re thinking.  How could a box be better than what was inside?  Well, because the box featured comic strips on the front and back panels!  In addition, the back of the box featured a full-size flap that opened up and featured even more comics on the inside!  It was nirvana for comic strip lovers. The company actually won an award in 1988 for “innovative packaging” for the fifth-panel design.

    The comics featured were Dennis the Menace, Beetle Bailey, Hagar the Horrible, Hi and Lois, Family Circus, Luann, Marvin, Funky Winkerbean, and What A Guy!.  Not a bad lineup, but still it left something to be desired when Garfield, Peanuts, and The Far Side were all the rage at the point this cereal was on the market. 

    The cereal was canceled in 1989 due to poor sales…or so we’re supposed to believe.  I call that a conspiracy theory.  As good as this stuff was, there’s no way it had poor sales.  The ultra sweetness of the cereal turned off parents, and the lack of fresh cartoons turned off the kids.

    From my own experiences, I remember seeing the commercials for the cereal and feeling that I just had to have it. For one thing, it was part of my morning ritual to read the funny pages from the newspaper while I ate breakfast every morning, so this cereal seemed right up my alley.

    My mom bought just one box. She rarely went for gimmicky cereal like this but caved under my constant pressure. Wait a minute.  Was I one of the kids who were responsible for those “poor sales”?  No, I’m going to plead innocence here.  That was my mom’s doing.  Anyway, I don’t remember what the cereal tasted like, but I do remember enjoying reading those comics on the box…..at least for the first two or three mornings. After that, the novelty faded and I was back to reading fresh daily comics from the newspaper.  I remember looking at the comics on the boxes at the grocery store, and they were all the same.  Maybe if they had different strips on different boxes in the same case, it could have led to more sales.  As it were, you could grow very tired of seeing the same strip every morning.

    It seemed like a good idea at the time but quickly fizzled in execution. However, I would love to see it back on the shelves at the local grocer just to take one more chance on it.

    The commercial was a lot of fun too with all the comic characters featured in one place.  Give it a watch and then let me know if you remember and miss this cereal too.