Old Junk Foods I Missed Out On

I’ve spent a lot of time and web space talking about all of the old junk foods that I loved through the years, but rarely do I ever stop to talk about the ones that got away. The junk foods that I just totally missed out on, but look so darn good that I know I would have been a fan of them. So let me quit wasting our time, and get on with it so you can see the goods.

Slush Puppie Bubble Gum

All through the ’80s, Slush Puppies were one of my absolute favorite treats. There was a convenience store in town that had a Slush Puppie machine, and for a while, it seemed like I got one at least once a week. Slush Puppies always had a full, vibrant flavor, and I wonder if that translated to this gum. I also wonder how long the flavor lasted. Was it like normal bubble gum and had some life to it or was it like Fruit Stripe and the flavor would disappear rather quickly? I do like the fact that the gum pieces were in the shape of a dog’s paw. That’s a nice touch.

Fruit & Creme Twinkies

How in the hell I missed out on this treat I’ll never know. Twinkies have always been one of my go-to snacks throughout the years. Even today I eat the regular ones on occasion and always pick up the new or limited edition flavors to try. So having a Twinkie that not only featured the traditional cream center but also added a fruit flavor swirled with it would have been something that certainly caught my eye. All I can think of was that these weren’t readily available in my area. Judging by the expiration date on the coupon these were out in the late ’80s, and according to The Retroist, they made a brief return in 2011. I missed them both times, and apparently haven’t been living my best life.

Long John Silver’s Peg Legs

Let’s take a break from sweets for a moment to focus on something savory. Growing up, my family ate more than our fair share of Long John Silvers. It was almost routine that we would end up there for dinner on Sunday afternoons because my dad was such a big fan of their fish. I always got their chicken planks, but never once did I get to try these chicken peg legs. Different from the boneless tenders, these were whole chicken legs that were coated with Long John Silver’s famous batter and fried. So what you ended up with wasn’t a traditional fried chicken leg like you would get at Kentucky Fried Chicken with its secret blend of eleven herbs and spices, but a batter-dipped chicken leg that I can only imagine tasted like heaven on the bone.

Keebler Mini Middles Cookies

Not only did I miss out on getting to try these, but I also didn’t even know they once existed until I started the post. Actually, I hadn’t even conceived of this post until I ran across some images for these things. I was well aware of the existence of the full-size Magic Middle cookies and loved those things to death. I’ll go into detail about original Magic Middles cookies at some point in the future, but right now let’s just focus on these Mini Middles.

So I guess these were just bite-sized versions of regular Magic Middles, and somehow that sounds even better than the version I’m familiar with. I can imagine opening the box and popping these things in my mouth by the handful. If they truly featured the same soft chocolatey goodness in the middle of them as their larger cousins, I know they would have been awesome.

WWF Superstars Ice Cream Bars

Being a huge wrestling fan growing up, I used to see the commercials for these things all the time and just drool over them. My problem was that they were never available anywhere around me. The local convenience stores didn’t have them, the local grocery stores didn’t carry them, and the lone ice cream truck that would come around didn’t have them either.

I was stuck in the position of wanting them badly, but just never getting to experience one. That’s true still to this day as well. But I’d love to try one as the ice cream itself looks spectacular. The vanilla ice cream with the chocolate coating on the back, and the cookie on the front with actual WWF Superstars emblazed on them would have just made my day back then. I love where I live, but sometimes I curse it as being out in the sticks had its drawbacks when it came to stuff like this.

So once again here on Retro Ramblings I’ve talked about food. This time though I didn’t get to fondly remember the great taste of some exciting treat, but rather, lament the fact that there were good-looking snacks out there in the world that I never got to try. If you’re into old junk food like I am, check out all of the treats I’ve covered by hitting the Junk Food tag, and if you want to see more things I had to do without in my childhood, check out the posts Toys I Never Had and More Toys I Never Had.

And by all means, if you remember any of this stuff and got to try it, leave a comment and tell me what some of these goodies were like!